Content

1 Timothy 6:6-9

            6 Now godliness with contentment is great gain.  7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.  8 And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.  9 But to those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition.

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            I realize that in this passage - particularly notable in v. 9 and on - the "richness" seems to refer literally to wealth and money or other worldly possessions.  Nevertheless, as I read this, I think I can replace the word "rich" with "married" or whatever else I'm struggling with that seems to be preventing me from being content.

            But how can I ever be content, even falsely so, if that state of being is dependent on where I live, what friends I have, where I work, how well I'm doing in school, or my marital status?  There are two reasons those things will never in themselves bring me contentment.  First, contentment is not a state of being; it is a choice.  And that choice may sometimes have to be made on a daily, hourly, or even momentary basis.  It is a struggle.  But it is less so when my focus has been redirected toward the second point:  God.  He is the One and only One who brings contentment.  It is only in Him that I can have peace, true joy, and -- contentment.  If I seek to find any of these things outside of Him, I'll be sorely disappointed and potentially end up hurt because I've settled for something less than what I've been created for.

            Yet I need to keep in mind that even when I am "walking in the center of God's will" (as some put it), even when I realize the above, this struggle will still take place.  But I really ought to be struggling for better reasons than those I have now, the excuses I repeat to myself to excuse my discontentment.  My present excuses are generally that I need something/someone I don't have; that I'm afraid to be okay with where and who I am; and that I just can't seem to grasp contentment, no matter what I do.

            I believe, though, and want to make my attitude follow, that my excuses should be different.  (That is, if I may still call them excuses.)  If I am not content, it will be because it is a moment by moment struggle, and as a weak and sinful human, I am going to have moments wherein I simply am not content.  Lord, let those be brief moments!  If I am not content, it will be because I am actually not okay with where I am and something needs to change.  There is nothing wrong with letting a struggle - even discontentment itself - point out a shortcoming where I can grow and become more like the woman God is shaping me into, and thereby become more wholly the woman that my future husband deserves.

            Now, concerning v. 9 again, I left that in to let it serve as a reminder.  It reminds me that if my desires aren't lined up with God's will and what I know from the Bible, then my desires combined with discontentment can lead to all sorts of heartache and harm.  Honestly, I think I'd rather be stuck struggling with discontentment with my incredibly good God by my side than give in to temporary fixes that I know will only bring me hurt and harm.  Neither side really sounds appealing there, but I also have the added assurance that God truly is good.  

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Luke 11:9-13

            9 "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, it will be opened.  11 If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?  12 Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?  13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"

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            I am convinced that certain desires I have are godly ones, and because of the beautiful encouragement found in that passage from Luke 11, I also believe that God will not withhold any good thing.  The trouble here is not so much that I doubt God will do these good things despite what the Bible says; but rather I fear that He won't simply because He hasn't already done so on my terms, in my preferred timing.  

            So not only to I need to rely on God's help for contentment itself; but I also need to hand Him my doubts.  All easier said than done, I know, but at least for me, I find that once I've thoroughly worked out why I have fear, doubt, or whatever other thing I'm struggling with, it's that much easier for me to look that monster in the face and smile, because I know God is bigger than it is.

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(This post is something of a personal add-on to this gem of a blog post that I read earlier today: Contentment is Not a State of Being.  If you got anything at all from my post, you'll really appreciate Phylicia's!  She writes more fluidly than I do, and has additional scripture in her post on the theme of contentment.  I wrote this after being encouraged by 1 Timothy 6:6, which she included.)

Touchy topic: Trick-or-Treat

This week I've seen so many Facebook posts that have to do with why Christians should or shouldn't participate in Halloween; things to do with Halloween candy; and what costumes people will be wearing to go trick-or-treating, to a party, or to a church harvest festival.

I wanted to add my perspective to this.  Please keep in mind that this post is not intended to condemn anyone who chooses to participate in any way with Halloween; and the same goes for those who choose to treat this as any other night and have nothing to do with the holiday.



I remember going trick-or-treating with my sister, mom, and dad a few times when I was little.  It was so much fun getting dressed up, having Mom help with our costumes and paint our faces, and walking around a neighborhood or two as a family!  I best remember the year Dad dressed up as Noah, pulling our wagon  ark with a cow (Chaela) and a lamb (me), and a bunny walking behind (Mom).

Mom and Dad also took us to our churches' fall festivals, which were even more fun because we got to play games and be around a whole bunch of familiar faces.  When we lived in Illinois, our church celebrated Reformation Day on October 31st, so everyone dressed in period garb.  Of course we girls were more than happy to be princesses!

After the Reformation celebration experience, we moved overseas where Halloween isn't celebrated (although Carnevale is similar, it's celebrated at a different date).  So we did trunk-or-treat on base once or twice - I only remember the year I dressed up as Nancy Drew.  Back stateside, we celebrated with our AWANA group then here in Colorado, with Chaela's TKD dojang.

Last year, I went caroling instead of trick-or-treating (it was a sort of reverse trick-or-treat experience).  That was the most uniquely spent
Halloween night, and while it was unusual, I had a blast!  You can read more about it in the link above.



Needless to say, I've had a pretty varied experience as far as activities on the night of October 31st.  Today, I am a grown-up who still loves playing dress-up whenever I get an excuse.  I am someone who likes candy, caramel apples, and pumpkin bread a little too much.  This year I'm not going out (not even to Chipotle for their wonderful "wear a costume and get a $3 burrito deal!) because I have a lot of reading to do.  But I am absolutely looking forward to meeting my neighbors as they bring their kids around door to door for candy, showing off their cool costumes.

Candy and costumes.  Is that the current foundation for tonight's festivities?

It would appear that the answer is yes.  At least, that sure is what it looks like for the most part.  Harmless enough, right?  Unfortunately, evil has a way of creeping in where it shouldn't be, and bounding in where it's openly welcomed.  And regardless of Halloween's origins being good or evil, it seems there has always been a connection with death.  Is this a celebration of the dead, death, and all things dark; or is this a celebration that death has been defeated for those whose life and death have been handed over to the Conqueror of death?  Granted, for some - perhaps for many - this is just a night to go along with what everyone else is doing.

If only it were that easy for Christians!  We are not supposed to be lazy in anything we do, or to simply go with the flow of everyone else's lives.  It does sadden me, though, that those who do think this day and its implications through often end up at the throats of those who think differently.

One blog I read this week (linked through Facebook) put things in a way I appreciated more than anything else I've read yet on this subject.  (Read here.)  While I may not agree with the writer 100%, I appreciate his input and perspective.



Whatever you choose to do tonight or any Halloween night, I hope that your choices are rooted in your convictions.  And whatever your convictions are, please be gracious toward others who think and act differently.  (The fact that you aren't fighting with them does not imply that you agree with them!)  And I urge you to use tonight to become better acquainted with your neighbors and friends.  And if you can, use tonight as a prime opportunity to be a light in the darkness by how you choose to dress, speak, and act.

Deflated (part 2)

That's a word that I learned more about today.  And I think I like it.


If you haven't already read Deflated (part 1), then you should read that first.  Seriously, things ought to be in order: books by author, movies alphabetized, blog posts in the order that they're posted....


You might have noticed that in that post, I stated that I dislike the word "deflated."  And it's true, I do dislike it when it applies to a car's tire.  This post isn't a continuation of my verbose tale.


This post is about ME.  Well...  Okay, actually it's not just about me; it may well apply to you, too.


The word "deflated" can be defined as to "cause someone to suddenly lose confidence or feel less important."  That's the kind of deflated I'm talking about here.  And I'll use a synonym for it, too:  Humbled.

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Confession time.  I am going to talk about my flat tire story again.  Gotcha!

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When I called my dad, I myself felt deflated.  I was humbled by the fact that only a few weeks ago, my sister came home and announced that she had hit a curb just outside our neighborhood and got a flat tire.  And while I genuinely felt sorry for her - it was an accident, after all - something inside me gloated.  I was proud of the fact that it was Chaela who had messed up, and not me; my good-driver-status was intact, and perhaps heightened by comparison.


I hate that that response, regardless how minuscule, was in me.  I ought to have had nothing to do with a thought like that.


Perhaps that's part of why I was so put down by a silly little flat tire of my own; I had been brought down by my own terms.  More than that, I was reminded of that ugliness of character I had displayed within myself.


But that's not the only humbling I experienced this evening.


I know that I am not particularly strong.  I know there is absolutely no shame in asking for help.  But there is still something that tugs at my pride when I do have to ask for help, and especially when I cannot do much anything while being helped.  That thing that "tugs at my pride" says, "Yep.  You're weak.  How cute.  You need someone bigger and stronger and better to do that for ya.  Why did you try in the first place?  You should have seen yourself -- you looked pretty foolish."


The thing is, I DO NEED HELP.  And I do need someone bigger than me, who's stronger than I am, and who is better than I am at whatever.  This resentful attitude is wrong and quite frankly, is sinful.

I know there are times when I insist to God that I can do it on my own, and feel that if I have to ask for His help I'm just displaying my shameful weakness.  But guess what I was reminded of today?


Weakness is not shameful... but my attitude in weakness can be shameful.


With God's help (I know I need it!) and by His grace, I will choose to have a joyful attitude that will please Him next time I'm deflated.  I pray you will do the same.

Deflated (part 1)

That's not a word I especially liked earlier this evening.


This evening I met up with my friend, Michael, who has recently returned from a 6-month deployment to Afghanistan.  My car is AWOL (okay, it's only MY leave it forgot to take), so I drove the rental we have in place of Arun.  We went to Mom's favorite ice cream and gelato place in the Springs - Glacier - and after good conversation, one bowl of delicious gelato, and another bowl of not-so-delectable gelato, we went our separate ways.


This is where it gets interesting....


Because I could see the interstate was backed up, I opted for the back road route.  Unfortunately, I rarely travel that road, and missed a turn, so I did a quick U-turn.  And hit the curb.  Hard.  And I knew (and felt) immediately that the front right tire was flatter than a baking soda-free pancake.

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Note to self:  Quick U-turns work in vehicles I'm used to driving, like my CRV.  Slow U-turns are advisable when driving rental cars that are longer than they seem.

Too bad I don't have my own TARDIS so I could go back in time and hand myself that note.  Of course, I couldn't do that anyway, since I'd be crossing my own time stream and even if I got the note to some one else (10 or 11, please!), I suppose I wouldn't have the note right now because it's the direct result of that mistake.  SORRY.  Too much "Doctor Who" lately.  Maybe.  Which reminds me... I don't want to miss tomorrow's new episode!  I keep forgetting to watch on Saturday nights or to record them....

Anyway!  Back to the story.  Sorry.                                
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Thankfully I was able to pull in to a space that was off the road and out of the way.  I know perfectly well how to change a flat tire (at least, I watched Dad and another friend change a tire, and I think I paid pretty god attention).  But I was so startled by the whole thing and angry at myself for not knowing better, I called Dad in tears, who said he'd be right on his way if I needed him to make the almost half-hour drive.  I love my dad.  :)  Of course, I figured I could at least try it on my own and call him back.

After I'd calmed down and pulled the donut, jack, and ratchet from the trunk, and discovered that I'm not strong enough to get most of the lug nuts off, I ended up calling Michael.  (Thank You, Lord, for the invention of cell phones!)  Despite the fact that he was already a little late meeting someone for dinner, Michael turned around and came to help me.  He got everything in order, and again, we were back on our ways.


And that's the story of why I don't like the word "deflated" today.

Despite the Flaws

This is a little something I realized and wrote down while traveling earlier this summer.  Thanks to the nature of moving, I got to rediscover this thought while unpacking boxes and sorting through my notebooks and things.  What a blessing!  I am always in need of forgiveness, I feel; but there are those days and weeks when I feel especially flawed, and this is one of those times in which these words were an overwhelming yet comforting reminder.

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Imagine -- if you can recognize the flaws in yourself and others; and others can see where you are falling short in character development, spiritual maturity, attitude, and so on; how much more acute is God's knowledge of these things.

If you make (create or craft) something, you more than likely know its designated purpose.  God most certainly knows that designed purpose for each and every one of His creations!

And imagine, since He not only can see where we fall short, but also how far we fall short, His forgiveness of us when we commit any sin (which may be dubbed our "ultimate shortcomings") is incredible.  The fact that He has a perfect and unwavering love for us despite our flaws is unfathomable, overwhelming, and beautiful!

How wonderful is the God we serve?

Words

Written, typed, texted, spoken in person or long-distance; read, heard, seen, interpreted...

Words are incredibly powerful.  

In the Sunday school class I'm teaching at my church (I love my middle school girls!) we've been working through the book of James.  A couple of Sundays ago, we studied the passage in which James talks about taming the tongue.  We talked a whole lot about how influential our words are.  Everything really seemed to sink in, and a couple of the girls offered their own wise insights.


On a different note, this week has been pretty challenging for me (see Stressed...), especially the last two or three days.  I've been exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and I have really felt the effects.  Because at least a low-moderate level of stress is not too unusual for me, I tend to bear up decently, but once my stress-o-meter reaches moderate-high stress, I... well, let's just say that even I don't like being around myself at that point.  I am ashamed to admit that one thing I sometimes do when I'm stressed or frustrated is verbally abuse myself.  It has taken me a long time to realize that's what I'm doing, and it took me scolding someone else for doing it to themselves!

"You're pathetic."
"Seriously...you're going out looking like that??"
"Sheesh, Ugly, hit the gym if you have to go out in public."
"You idiot, you should have worked harder/done better/known not to do that...."
"Why do you even bother to try __________?"

Talk about a "fire, a world of iniquity"!  Somehow, though, I had always assumed that the tongue - the "little fire," the "small rudder or a large ship," the "evil and poisonous" thing sitting innocently behind my teeth - was only capable of hurting others.  And while that is true by means of gossip, thoughtless words, sharp insults, and more, it is also true that my tongue is completely capable of causing injury to me.


My mom has reminded me on different occasions when she caught me putting myself down that my self-inflicted verbal abuse is sin.  When I call myself ugly or unintelligent, I am essentially saying that God's work is flawed.  That thought always puts things into perspective for me:  How dare I devalue myself?


Yes, I am flawed, because I am a sinner currently residing in a sin-cursed world.  Correction:  I am a redeemed, forgiven sinner who is currently residing in a fallen world.  I have been redeemed my Jesus' sacrifice when He took the penalty for my sins (including each time I have put down one of His precious creations).  It is by my acceptance of that redemption and His all-powerful mercy that I am forgiven.


This evening I was reading a newly discovered blog (I highly recommend checking it out!), and I came across a beautiful piece of encouragement.  In the midst of one of her "Other Virgin Diaries" blog posts, PhyliciaDelta said something that hit home for me.  "...[my] value is already determined."  I do not determine my value; neither is it based off of what I do or how I look.  My value was determined before I was even conceived by the marvelous God who made me and who is still molding me into the woman I ought to be.


Those are some words I needed to hear tonight.

I need to stop using my words to hurt anyone, including myself.

I need to start intentionally using my words to encourage and heal.

And maybe - just maybe - I need to start listening to myself and my students better as we study the most beautiful words ever written.  

Overwhelmed by...

STRESS.  Ugh, I don't like being stressed, but it just seems to happen quite naturally.

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by one thought, one emotion, one event, that it's all you can do to accomplish anything?  I know that feeling quite well.  Not because I experience it very often, but because it's what I'm going through right now.

Unfortunately, this sort of total consumption is usually unpleasant, as it is for me at this moment.  My poor camel has been laden with stress of moving, stress of school (especially that bothersome history course), stress of will-not-be-spoken-here things, and stress of doing my best as a Sunday school and sign language teacher.  Now the final straw has been laid on that camel's back, and it looks like he just might break.  I have to go through a procedure I've had twice before (last time was in February), as another doctor tries to figure out what's up with my body and what can be done to help.

The funny thing is, none of these things are bad at all (even history)!

• We are moving into a house that God has blessed Mom in finding:  It has a lower rent, has a great layout, welcoming neighborhood, and wonderful landlord.  Additionally, my family and I are blessed to have a bunch of friends who would gladly come and help up move if and when we need them.
• I get to have the peace of mind, knowing that I get to graduate next year with a BA and debt free, thanks to my parents' generosity, the G.I. Bill, and God's provision.  I also get to take my courses online, which allows me to be more involved in other activities because of the flexible study schedule.
• I can see that God is using those unspoken things to help me mature emotionally and spiritually.  Only a few weeks ago I taught my middle school girls over James 1:2-4.  "...count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience...."
• Teaching is a joy for me, and I love the girls I get to teach!  Studying the scripture and sign language helps me a great deal; getting to share what I have learned and am learning is an added blessing!
• The doctor I was referred to is a kind and good doctor, so far as I've been able to tell.  I am thankful he isn't willing to just go ahead with whatever treatment seems most logical without first checking the results of the upcoming procedure to make sure we choose the best course of action.

It's mainly that last thing that has me weighted down with unnecessary apprehension.  But even with that, I know God is completely in control.  Sometimes I just need a focus check, I guess.  My worry and stress stem from focusing on my school or work or whatever, rather than on Him who made me able to complete those tasks.  

I clearly can't do this on my own.  And as much as I appreciate my parents, sister, and friends' support of me and my efforts, they aren't enough, although God may choose to use them in encouraging me, helping me, and scolding my foolishness when needed (and believe me, it is needed from time to time).  Whatever abilities I have are from God Himself; whatever abilities I lack can be supplemented by Him alone.  What a comforting thought!

PEACE.  And it's not some silly, empty thing that came from me emptying my mind of all my stressors or some such nonsense.  It's something beautiful that can only come from God, I know, because it passes understanding.

Another Year, Another House!

We're off once more!  Again, we're just moving a short distance across town, but still, it involves a great deal of planning, packing, and patience.

Okay, maybe patience isn't directly linked to moving usually, and of course patience is required outside of this particular activity, but I sure feel like I need more of it than I currently have.  I'll own up to the fact that I am a bit of a perfectionist control-freak.  As such, I know that within this week, I will most likely have a meltdown or bout of insanity, because while my desk may be (more or less) neat and tidy, the entire open space of the basement behind me is a jumble of full boxes, empty boxes, Dad's military gear, packed up musical instruments, pillows and blankets, and a ping-pong table.

And that's just what I can think of off the top of my head without turning around and viewing the mess.

The contents of my room are almost entirely ready to be transitioned from their current space to my new room, and (thank the Lord for whomever invented walk-in closets!) all my boxes and bins and things are tucked nicely away into my closet, where I can shut the door and enjoy my now sparsely furnished but clean room.  In fact, my room has been my go-to escape zone this past week.  I've found that I truly can relax for a little while when I'm in there, even if I've brought along my dreaded Western Civilizations I homework.  That fact just confirms to me that my neat-freakishness may need a small reality check.

Or maybe it's just a good way for me to recharge so I can continue with the work that needs to be accomplished outside of my haven.  Either way, I like it in my safe spot now more than ever.

It's funny.  Even though I get kind of stressed during this process, I don't think I'm as stressed as I very easily could be.  Two reasons:

               1.  This kind of craziness is pretty normal in my life.  It's the totally unknown things that get to me more than that which is unknown but at least somewhat familiar.  (Of course, the familiar things I like best are my God's nearness and the peace He brings, my family, the military, and church.)

               2.  I know God is in this, and He has a new place for me to be and there, new people to meet.  All this insanity is in His hands, which renders the situation as a whole under the best control.

It would seem that I have to head off now - I have school and packing (woohoo!) to do in the morning, and I've been running on too little sleep lately as it is.  Good night, all!

Other Blogs

          A great deal of my time - an embarrassing amount of time, really - is spent on Facebook.  How I use it or why I'm logged on so often is not the point of discussion here, however.  Rather, I'd like to use this post to give my own little shout out to a couple of blog posts I have recently come across, thanks to (you got it!) Facebook.

First,
http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/

          My mom read this first, then my sister and I did, and finally we pulled Dad over to a computer for him to read it himself.  While I may not agree with this particular blog post 100% I really appreciate that someone has taken the consideration and time to answer a lot of questions I've had, and to address some of the fears and concerns I have faced since my (first) breakup almost a year ago.  The 5ish% that I don't really go for is basically this:  I am NOT going to leave my theologically sound, strictly and unashamedly Bible-preaching church family that happens to lack a large number of eligible young men just to make myself more available.  (Nevertheless, I have looked into joining another church's young adult group along with one of my dear friends who also read and was inspired by this blog post.)  Also, I want to note that while "traditional dating" absolutely sounds appealing, I think we still ought to be cautious not to become suddenly overzealous - the dating pendulum does not seem to like to hang center for very long.

Second,
http://phyliciadelta.com/i-waited-until-my-wedding-to-lose-my-virginity-and-its-the-best-thing-i-ever-did/

          This is a phenomenally written response to a rather bitterly written post.  I could go on and on about this one, which I do agree with wholeheartedly, and was incredibly encouraged by, but I recommend you just read it.  The writer of this blog, http://phyliciadelta.com , is a wonderful writer.

          Well there you have two genuinely good and helpful things I have found on Facebook!  Now to go finish looking at my Utah/California friends' wedding photos, chatting with an Italian friend, and doing who-knows-what to kill time....

Window World

I stumbled across this little piece while writing up an assignment (first one of the semester!).  I believe I wrote this about three years ago, while my family and I were in our Hidden Rock Road house, for those who know where that is.  Enjoy!

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My bedroom window - a tall frame for the world outside - is a wonderful thing. 

It begins the day by encouraging the shy sun to tiptoe onto my bed and caress

my face (she whispers "good morning - rise and shine!").  When I get up, the

window gleams and beckons to me, and I can almost hear it calling me to peek

out and see the sleepy world:  the mountains are clinging to their thin sheets

of fog which have slid down from above their proud heads to their knees.  The

neighboring houses blink and rub misty sleep from their eyes as their occupants

begin getting ready to leave for work and school.  Birds flutter impatiently and

excitedly about, urging the trees to wake up (the trees wave their arms, trying

shoo the pesky singers away). 

When the sun is at her boldest, peering down at the valley and the surrounding

mountains all at once, my window nearly bursts with the vivid colors showing

through:  the deep greens and blues on the mountains; the golden-red brush

hugging the narrow black-gray pathway behind the houses; the tans, whites,

browns and oranges of the houses themselves; flashes of bright red or silver or

shiny black or blue when cars rove through the neighborhood.  There are people

too, walking or jogging or biking or walking their dogs; a few children racing

home for lunch; a boy skateboarding along the sidewalk.  Each of the

neighborhood dogs is fully awake now, and they make certain everyone nearby

knows so.  (The trees are awake as well; I don't think anyone could sleep

through THAT boisterous barking.) 

The frame darkens a bit as the tired sun slips downward on the horizon.  As she

descends, rainbow colors take turns painting the sky and reflecting onto the

mountains in pastel blues and purples and pinks.  The sun pauses to rest on her

rough rocky chair, and for just a moment the mountains blaze in sudden glory

and their faces are rimmed with gold... but the sun can't stop for too long; she

must continue on her course.  The trees and long prairie grass wave and

whisper "goodnight," to the retreating sun.  As the world dims into the mists

and shadows of night, silence reigns.  Silence.  Then voices, too quiet for any but

the attentively listening ear, begin an angels' song that drifts down from

between silver clouds.  I hear it (faint through my window) and gaze up,

longing to find the source of this heavenly singing; white-silver faces look back

at me from far off in the depths of the silky blue night sky, and weave a lullaby

through their song.

In awe of all that I've seen and heard today, I lay down and close my eyes and dream of the richness of the world just outside my window.  

Don't you remember?

  So... I really enjoy journaling.  A lot.  In fact, I typically have at least two journals at any given time that I'm actively writing in.

This year, I've been using a slightly unusual format for one of these journals:  Instead of writing in the date as I write, I noted 366 dates on every page, so when I'm going to write, I just find the day's date and note the year.  The idea is that if I am good and keep up with this journal for at least another year or two, I'll get to see each day what I was up to/thinking about/praying about in the previous year.

Even when I'm not writing in this journal, I enjoy looking back to see what was going on a year ago or five years ago or however many years ago, today.

Today is an amusing day in my mind, as far as comparison by year is concerned:

June 1, 2014 -- Mom and I are flying to California for a mom-daughter trip, ending with the wedding of two of my friends:  Sam and Sarah.




  
(Here's one of Sarah and me, pretty close to when we first met, which wasn't too long after Sarah and Sam had first met, to my knowledge.  I think I met Sam the summer this photo was taken, though I didn't really get to know him until the following year.)

June 1, 2013 -- I was a bridesmaid in another dear friend's wedding, this time in Temple, Texas.  (Jackie's dress was SO lovely!)

 

May 26, 2012 -- My family and I drove out to California to attend Joy's wedding.  Joy is Sarah's older sister, and during the wedding reception, I happened to chat both with Sam and his older sister, Jessica, who was pregnant at the time.  (Joy and her husband just announced this week that the baby they're expecting in October is a boy!)












Anyway, I think there are some amusing connections there.  :)  Do you remember what you were up to right about now this time in a previous year?

Because I'm Happy...

Right now I'm studying for a DSST (similar to CLEP) test, Ethics in America.  Well... technically I'm supposed to be studying that right this moment, but I keep getting distracted.... So here I am!  Anyway, here's the most recent thing that's making it a little more challenging for me to focus:

----------------------------------

As I've been reading Moral Philosophy:  Theories and Issues (which really is excellently and understandably written, in my opinion) and listening to lectures online from a Harvard professor on the same topic, I've begun to notice a trend.  There's a commonality among many of the theories and viewpoints I've studied thus far:  Happiness.  For example,

                    Moral Egoism:

It's always morally acceptable for a person to do
what he/she believes to be in his/her own self-interest.
(If I make someone else happy while making myself
happy, that's great!  Furthermore, if making someone
else happy makes me unhappy, that's bad.)

                    Utilitarianism:

People should be morally guided by whatever will
maximize pleasure and well-being of the majority.

                    Moral Subjectivism:

Whatever a person believes to be right or wrong IS
right or wrong for them, as influenced by their happiness
and emotions.
                    Kant:  Claims that all who are rational
necessarily pursue or desire happiness.

Now, these and so many other ideas are based on the worldly and seemingly logical thought that the pinnacle of human experience is happiness.  That so, it also seems only logical to do whatever one can to be as happy as possible as much and for as long as possible.  Right?  Of course right!  Right, unless you aren't supposed to be living as someone who's a part of this world.  (Ephesians 4:17-32, 1 Peter 2:11-12)

During Bible study this week, one thing that really stuck with my was from a discussion we had concerning the fruit of the Spirit.  Basically, we went through and considered the difference between the worldly concepts of love, joy, peace, and so on; and the biblical concepts of the same.  When we came to joy and peace it struck me that the world has, I think, rather warped definitions.  To the world, peace seems to mean a lack of hostility, noise, chaos, etc., whereas true, biblical peace is something which can only come from God Himself, and is characterized by a calm and quiet spirit.  To the world, joy is synonymous with happiness -- if you're sad or unhappy or hurt, you cannot possibly be happy or joyful.  On the other hand, biblical joy really has nothing to do with happiness or some lack of happiness.  Rather, it has everything to do with choosing to let God's peace and control take over in your life; to be content in whatever situation is going on, whether good or bad, easy or challenging; and to focus on serving God and others before yourself.

Please don't get me wrong!  I'm certainly not meaning to insinuate that I dislike being happy - I love hugs and being around people who make me laugh and doing fun things! - or that happiness is somehow a bad or wrong thing in and of itself.  The point I guess I'm trying to make here is that happiness seems to have become such a god in virtually every society, such an all-consuming goal, that these theories I'm studying and people in general forget that there is a higher calling and greater purpose found in loving and obeying God.

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Whew!  Okay, if you read all that and were able to follow my unedited, rambling, I-sure-hope-she-actually-has-a-point style, kudos!  Seriously.

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Quick side note here -- I genuinely enjoy Pharrell Williams's song "Happy" and find myself singing along every time I hear it.  The title of this post just happens to coincide directly with the most commonly sung phrase in that song.  ;)

Real or Not Real

I wrote this while I was in the ER, on February 20.  I may or may not have been on pain medication, which fact I'm counting on to cover for the title being straight out of a certain book authored by Suzanne Collins, which I don't really like very much (but that's another conversation).  Anyway, here (word for original word) is what my slightly delirious brain caused me to scribble down in between middle-of-the-night checkups.

~~~~~

It seems to me, if a thing is said to be real, it may only truly be so when its reality has been tested.  Until that point its reality is only a supposition, which by nature may be flawed, thereby making it (in part) unreal.  If any part of this thing is unreal, the integrity of the entire thing cannot be trusted.

The point when one may surely trust the thing as being real is when the false stuff has been burned up and knocked off by other things, situations, people, etc., which have themselves been proved really real by a similar process.

This would, of course, lead to circular reasoning on my part but for this:
There is an ultimate, final Tester.  God, who is Himself Truth and its Creator, is the solid line past which no untrue (false or "not real") thing may venture, even to the tiniest smudge on the solidity of reality.

Now we, as flawed (fallen) humans with our incomplete ways of thinking and going about things, will surely faltering in providing "reality checks" and such.  This by no means lessens the purity of things that are real and true; only our perceptions of them.

One day -- a day I do greatly look forward to -- you and I will be able to finally, fully comprehend real reality in its loveliest sense, I'm sure.

Theory of Abnormality

Here's a slightly sillier thought for ya:

~~~~~

Assume the words "different," "weird," and "abnormal" are synonymous here.

A lot of people get accused of being abnormal by others who typically consider themselves to be normal.

However, by my observations, and general consensus, most people, if not all, have some sort of abnormality about them.

This being so, it is more normal to be abnormal than it is to lack abnormality.

Therefore, so-called normal people are the truly weird ones, and those they accuse of weirdness are more normal by commonality, if not popularity.

~~~~~

And there ya have it, you fellow weirdos.

Off Guard

"...On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is?  Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth?  If there are rats in a cellar you are more likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.  But the suddenness does not create the rats, it only prevents them from hiding."  (Mere Christianity, p.163)

I never really thought of it this way before, how when I act or react in ways I shouldn't (that is, ways that aren't Christlike) it isn't that I can be excused by having been caught off guard.  No, rather, it's that my core self sprang up first.  This is the self that needs to be traded in each instance for Christ-likeness, since it's a remainder of my old self which must not be allowed to remain.

Feelin' It

Because my faith isn't based in or founded upon emotions -- though they truly are a result or side effect of things revealed by this faith -- I have no excuse for my actions or attitude on the basis of emotions.  "I just don't feel like being Christlike today." "I'm not feeling up to praying (or spending time in God's Word, or sharing my testimony, or being joyful) right now.  Maybe I'll be more in the mood for that later."

Seriously, what is that?  Why is this even an issue?  It certainly is an issue for me, at least, and I'm sure I'm not alone here.

Regardless of where it comes from, why it's there, and all that, I firmly believe it is a remnant of the old me -- my fleshly, worldly self.  And therefore, this attitude absolutely must be discarded and replaced with a spirit of submission to God's will and an attitude of joy and thanks.

Be Infected with Christ

"There are lots of things which your conscience might not call definitely wrong (specially things in your mind) but which you will see at once you cannot go on doing if you are seriously trying to be like Christ."  (Mere Christianity, p. 161)

If this is so, then stands to reason that I ought to -- indeed, I believe I am obligated tot -- conform and reform my conscience to match biblical, Christlike behavior.  By God's grace and a great deal of His help, this is a realistic goal (unattainable in this life, though it is).

And remember:  I am (you are) not alone in this transformation process!

"If there were no help from Christ, there would be no help from other human beings.  He works on us in all sorts of ways: not only through what we think our 'religious life'."  (MC, p. 161)

Heads up!

It's been a while since I last posted, but here's a heads up:

I've been slowly inching my way through C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity, and have some thoughts I'll be sharing that I wrote down as I've been reading.  Please let me know what you think, and what your thoughts are.

There will probably be some posts mixed in, as well, that don't really have anything to do with Mere Christianity, but the same is true for them:  Speak up!  :)

TBT

It seems that at least half my Facebook friends do TBT (Throwback Thursday) most every week.  I find it fun and interesting to see what everyone posts, but never considered getting in on the whole thing until today...  Mom's doing it, too.

I don't know whether I'll actually do this regularly or not, but here's today's TBT:



This is from June 2008, at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C..  Mom and I went by ourselves so we wouldn't feel rushed onward by Dad and Chaela.  ;)

This, of course, is the Japanese Footbridge by Claude Monet, one of my favorite artists at the time.

I figured this was an appropriate photo to share today because I'm just about done prepping and studying for a DSST: Art of the Western World.  :)

Happy Thursday!

Hospital Update

On Wednesday I was sent to the ER - I got to go home yesterday evening, but here's what happened as according to our Facebook status updates:

Feb. 19 (evening)

Me: 

Enjoying some spontaneous mother-daughter time today!  (And by that I mean, "I am so very thankful for a wonderful mom who will not only drive me to the ER but will also hang out there with me and make me laugh and distract me.")

Mom: 

Dani's morphine is really wearing off & she's in some serious pain.  Of course everythig gets funnier in the hospital & laughing makes the pain worse.  Unfortunately Danielle just said in a whimper, "I need more...phine" which just made us laugh harder!

(In fact, I made myself laugh so hard that I cried, which made me laugh harder than ever!)

Me: 

CT scans came out clear, but they're going to keep me overnight to run some more tests and try to figure out what's up.

Me: 

Sleepover = woohoo!

...at the hospital = ooh.

There's a first time for everything, right?

[ texting while on morphine brings out the punny side of me!  At least, at the time I thought so...  

Chaela: What else can I bring you?  Pajamas?

Me:  Nah, I'm covered.]

Me: 

You know Mom and I have been cooped up for too long when she starts squirting saline at me and I threaten to tell the nurse on her...

Feb. 20 (morning)

Me: 

No real update yet from here at Memorial Hospital, except that I'm *this* close to posting a photo of the lion drawing I've been finishing up here (yay for free time!) that Mom really wants me to show you....

Feb. 20 (afternoon)

Mom:

Hospital room with a view:

Mom:

Tomorrow Dani will have scopes so the GI doc can see what's going on inside.  Meanwhile, Danielle hasn't had anything to eat or drink since yesterday about 3:30 when we got here, but she's going to be allowed a few liquid diet items this afternoon.  It's the little things, like food & water... Please pray for Dani & for wisdom for her GI doc.  Thank you so much.

P.S.  Dani still has a lot of abdominal pain, especially when docs press on her or she moves wrong, takes a deep breath, or laughs.  This is now a No Deep Breaths & No Laughing zone.

Mom:

(in response to the ever helpful suggested diagnoses from friends commenting on her status)

Last night the ER doc said it's pancreatitis; this morning another doc said he doesn't think so.  Not sure...

Feb. 20 (evening)

Mom:

Flowers and balloons and meds, oh my!

(Michaela brought me the flowers with the bear, and the white/yellow/teal balloon; my friend Gabriella's family sent the flowers and balloon I'm holding in the upper left picture; and my high school British lit. teacher and her son/my good friend, Jonathon, came to visit me for a bit and they brought along a book for me.  How blessed I felt by all this and so many people around the country and across the world who let me knwo they were praying for me!)

Feb. 20 (night)

Me:

I got it!  A typewriter.  That's what my IV sounds like.  A really, really quiet typewriter.

Feb. 21 (morning)

Dad:

Danielle is currently sedated for the Dr to do her work.  Please pray the procedure goes well and the Dr figures out what is going on.

(I had gotten to FaceTime Dad about two hours before being taken down to have the scopes done.  It was great to talk and pray with him face-to-face!)

Feb. 21 (noonish)

Me:

Hey everyone!  I'm done with the final procedures/tests (I believe) and am just waiting for the doctor to come let us know what's up.  

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement and concern through these last few crazy days!  Mom or I will update again once we've heard from the doctor.


Feb. 21 (afternoon)
Me:
Heading home!

Me:
For those of you who are asking what's up, the doctor found a couple places to biopsy during the scopes; the results weren't back by the time we left, but we'll know when we meet up with the doctor later on next week.  They still aren't quite sure what caused my pancreas lipase levels to be high.
Thanks for your concern!


Feb. 22 (today)
Mom:
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the prayers & love poured out while Danielle was in the hospital.  We'll have the biopsy results in a week.
The docs didn't come to a conclusion as to why Dani's pancreas #s were so elevated! but the sonograms & CT scans showed things look good.  Dani's taking it easy at home and feeling much better.

The funny thing about prayer...

I like praying when I'm driving - especially on longer or more tedious drives, like the one I had the other day going to Peterson AFB.

At one point, as I was nearing the base, I prayed and asked God to please give me greater patience, as I've been struggling lately with getting irritable and impatient pretty easily, and of course I don't like this at all.

Next thing I knew, I was stuck behind a car whose driver was content to go 5 under the speed limit... all the way, the last 10 minutes to the base gate.

Thank You, Lord, for that patience practice.



"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see."  (Corrie ten Boom)

Retrospect: 2013

I will attempt to give a *brief* rundown of the highlights by month from 2013.  Hope it was a good, happy, and very blessed year for you!


January
- I got to go with my then-boyfriend, Jon to a barn dance at our church.  So much fun!  I danced every single dance except one, when I was too out of breath to keep up.
- Joy Reber visited my family and me (see Joy's Visit).  We loved having her here, and I hope she and her husband, Josh, will get to visit us sometime soon!

February
- I decided on my official degree/major:  Liberal Studies (with a focus on elementary education).
- Dad took a group of us to the makeshift shooting range at the Bremers' farm (see Some Shots of Us Shooting).

March
- This month is FULL of birthdays in my family!  Uncle Jon, Aunt Jessilyn, Grandma Liston, Aunt Tara, Colby, Grandma Ashby, and Chris all were born in March.  :)
- Mom, Dad, Jon, and I went to see the Easter performance ("The Thorn") that a local mega church has presented every year for several years now.  They did well once again in presenting the gospel story!
- My family and I took my youngest cousin, Gavin to meet with his mom at the CoSprings airport... (see Gavin: Quick Note... )

April
- I began working for Creative Dining Services at Focus on the Family's cafeteria and Whit's End.
- My old soccer teammate and Navy Seabee friend, Caleb, came to visit!  Dad drove him, Chaela, and me to the summit of Pikes Peak (Chaela and Caleb's first time there!) where we enjoyed the high-altitude donuts and tried on goofy hats at the gift shop.  Chaela got to drive down the mountain and learned the perils of why one should put their van into a lower gear rather than riding their brakes down steep, windy roads!
- Jon was baptised (see Jon's Baptism)

May
- Dad began his yearlong deployment to Baghdad (see Dad's Deployment) on Mother's Day, thereby *just* missing Mom's and my birthdays.
- I got to attend the Air Force Ring Dance for the USAFA class of 2014, and had a wonderful time!
- I went white water rafting for the first time ever... Looking forward to going again some day!  :D
- My dear friend, Gabriella, and I flew out to Temple, Texas, where our mutual best friend picked us up... to be in her wedding!  Woohoo!  Fun fact:  we three had not been in the same place for about seven years, from when I moved from Italy --> Maryland, until that day.

June
- My lovely friend of eight(ish) years, Jacqueline Stone, married her wonderful Andrew Knight on June 1.  Gab and I were honored to be among those standing behind her as she said her vows!
- Another devastating fire came to Colorado (see "The worst fire..." and fire).

July
- Aunt Tara (Mom's younger sister who Michaela and I stayed with during our PNG missions trip) visited us for a week; we hiked and showed her around the Springs and just had an overall wonderfully fun time with her!
- My childhood friend, Ashley Coupe, got married to Cristian Lluay!  :)

August
- Jon and I broke up.
- My best friend proved herself so yet again.  <3
- Rebecca Miller and Nate Rupprecht got married - YAY!
- Mom took me out for a lovely day in Denver, where we visited the art museum (see Delightful Day in Denver).

September
- Mom, Chaela, and I visited my Liston grandparents in Utah, then brought them home to Colorado with us!
- I auditioned to be in the World of Color Honor Choir which has been a part of California's Disney Land's nightly holiday glow show.  My friend, Daniel Lamb, was a tremendous aid in recording my audition, and I do believe his help contributed toward me getting to sing in the honor choir!  (See WoCHC to understand what the choir is all about and to see the latest version of the performance.  You may also look up my audition video under the listed sopranos.)

October
- Mom, Chaela, and I got to meet up with Dad for his two week's "home" in Hawaii!  (See Kauai, Hawaii.)  We four (oh, I love that number) stayed some days in Kauai and some in Oahu, before flying home with Dad, who got to stay in Colorado for his last few days off before heading back to Iraq.
- Only two days after Dad flew out, I headed off once again myself -- this time to St. George, Utah.  (See my secondary blog (Serving in Saint George) if you'd like to read up a bit on what I did there!)  I remained for three weeks before flying back...

November
- While in Utah Mom informed me that our landlords had found buyers for the house we were living in at the time, and that she had found what would be our new house.
- The day I returned from southern Utah was the same day we three began packing to move.  Never a dull moment!
- My good friend, Sarah Rupprecht, and another friend of mine, Sam Kolkow, got engaged on Thanksgiving!  I cannot express how incredibly happy and excited I am for them!!

December
- I quit my job at Focus on the Family.
- We finished moving into our new house, thanks greatly to our friends who gave up so much of their time to help us!
- I went out to California to be present for Sarah's graduation (she's now an LVN!).  It was wonderful to witness the ceremony, and I had a blast at her graduation celebration/birthday party/engagement announcement!  (*whew*)
- I enjoyed about one week home - in which time we Sadlo ladies kept busy sorting out our new surroundings - before we drove to Utah and Mom's parents' home for Christmas, which we all enjoyed immensely with some of our extended family.
- Mom and I spent a quiet New Year's Eve at home (Chaela was at a friend's house) to end off this hectic and insanely, wondrously full year.  :)