Intentional Outlook: Changes

FACT:  Change is a natural and necessary part of life.

FACT:  I don't always handle changes (especially unpleasant and unexpected changes) as well as I would like to.

FACT:  God is completely unfazed by change, and is always totally in control.  

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There is a LOT going on this... well, this entire month, really.  I feel like I'm finally settling into my new job, and I'm definitely loving it!  Chaela and I are settling into our short-term apartment, and haven't butted heads over anything silly.  Foreign students (French and Chinese) are beginning to arrive with their host families at my church, and I'm trying to remember to take this into account as I teach Sunday school.  Two beautiful weddings have taken place in this month, joining my friends in marriage (Jamin with Madhu, Kristen with Matt).  I've finally broken through some walls I started putting up almost two years ago (praise God for His great help here!) which is allowing me to develop better relationships (finally!).

One of the biggest things right now (right up there with that last point listed) is that Mom and Dad are leaving tomorrow to begin a new chapter!  They will be in South Carolina for a couple months, then go to New York and maybe another place or two before heading back here to the Springs.  In between studying, working, and everything else, Chaela and I have been up at their house as often as we could make it to help them pack up and move things to a storage unit.  Whew!  So much to do there...  But of course the point here is that Mom and Dad's move is a bit of a change.

Who am I kidding?  This is a rather BIG change!  Good gracious, it almost feels like my parents are moving out, and now we're both "empty nesters"!  Weird.  

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The intentional part of my outlook today came to mind while I was glancing over my blog posts.  Every single one of them that was written concerning an activity was written about an unusual or unexpected event.  Changing houses, going to a range with Dad, Chaela, and friends, taking care of my cousin, Gavin, Dad's last deployment, traveling, etc.  They all have something to do with change.

The things that don't change - or change so gradually that their change goes nearly unnoticed - are not necessarily boring.  They are, however, just the everyday stuff.  They're the mundane, not-easy-to-write-about stuff.

Thank God for change and it's ability to keep things interesting, to keep things improving, and for the assurance that even at its craziest, scariest, and most incredible, God has a perfect plan that will be worked through that change.

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FACT:  Change is interesting, at the very least.

FACT:  Change can be good and beneficial.

FACT:  God does not change.  He is above changeability and is in control of it.  I don't need to be in control of change myself, because I can rely on an trust in Him!

Intentional Outlook: Explanation

Today I am thankful for a number of things:  I got to sleep in, run a couple of fun (ish) errands, take a walk downtown under bold slate-blue skies, visit two bookstores, see a young friend in her school play, chat with Mom for a bit, and spend some time with Chaela.  Was today perfect?  No, not really.  Was it without flaws?  Absolutely not!  In fact, I woke up to news that still has me a little angry.  But today was a good day overall, and it had plenty of pleasant things in it.

I have been working for a while now (but inconsistently) on intentionally focusing on the little joys and blessings God graciously allows me to experience throughout each day.  Today - most of today, at least - made for an easy day to practice being intentional about my outlook on the little points that make up daily life.  Let me back up a little to explain myself....

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I am incredibly happy to say that a day ago last week I started my first day of work!  My official title is "bookstore attendant," but in addition to working directly with books, I've been learning how to make various hot and cold coffees, teas, and other delicious beverages.  Additionally, I have been learning the food menu items we serve, the layout of the property, customer service details, and so on.  Part of my training was that I got to tag along on a tour of the Glen Eyrie castle.  *ahem*  I got to take a tour of a castle right next to where I work!  That sort of thing just doesn't happen - at least not in America.  How cool is that??  And how blessed am I?!?

More to the point, after the tour, I heard a couple complimenting our guide on the presentation and tour itself, and on her work.  She thanked them, noting how encouraging it is to hear positive feedback.  She had had extremely discouraging feedback just the day before, and it had made her question her abilities as a tour guide a little bit.  Honestly, I was surprised to hear that she could receive anything but good reports, but the whole scenario reminded me how weighty and influential words can be.  The book of James warns about the power of the tongue.  James warns us of the tongue's propensity to wildness or untamableness (let's pretend that's a word) even while he encourages us to bring ourselves - untamable tongues included - under the control of the Holy Spirit.

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I have decided I should and must keep myself - my words, thoughts, and actions - in check both when I'm out and at home.  Can I do this on my own?  HAH!  Certainly not!  Alright, Maybe I could keep an intentionally positive outlook on life some easier days, like today.  I just might do an ok job on rough days, too.  Well...for a week or so.

No, I know that would be little more than an attempt to recondition my natural and habituated responses.  I need complete change in my heart as well as my habits.  Change on this level can only be accomplished in God's will, through His strength.  I will still mess up and revert to bad habits when I shift my reliance to myself, but I have full confidence in Him.

So what am I saying?  What is the point of all this?  I promise, I'm getting to it.

One of my current college courses is on the relief of stress and tension, and although I don't agree with all the theories and methods I have to study, there are some valid points in the course.  For example, it is now more widely acknowledged that the well-being of a person's soul or spirit is positively linked to the person's overall well-being.  (Who knew, right?)

Another point that I had previously supposed but have now gotten to study is that positive thinking is directly linked to good mental health and lowered stress levels.  Positive thinking can be seen in thinking "I've got this!  I'm going to do well!" before heading into a potentially stressful situation.  It can also be seen in actively choosing to focus your attention on the positive aspects of a situation rather than the negative.  Of course, this is easier for those who are naturally optimistic and more challenging for pessimists.  I personally consider myself a realist (I weigh the potential for both positive and negative and try to adjust according to whatever will logically follow), and as someone who  wavers between the two extremes, I find it healthy and wise to have an intentional outlook.

The simplest way for me to nurture this intentional outlook is to ask myself what the highlights of my day are (today:  conversations with family, cheery weather, visits to bookstores, etc.) and dwell on those things.  

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Of course, I would like to note that the trying, troubling, and sad points of a day oughtn't be ignored for the sake of an exclusively positive perspective.  Rather, these low points need to be handled with care and resolved if possible, as soon as possible.

Perfect Plans

Confession:  I can be a bit of a perfectionist sometimes.

Example 1:  Things in my room, on my desk, and generally wherever I am have to be in order.  Even if "order" means piles of school books, papers, and odd notes and to-do lists on my desk, there is a place for everything and I feel like I'll go crazy if it isn't in its place.

Example 2:  Every light switch in my house has to be flipped the "correct" direction if there is more than one switch to a light.  I will sometimes go out of my way to fix a switch that's been left the "wrong" way.  (I'm intentionally working on not letting this bother me, though.)

Example 3:  I started this blog post as a Facebook status, but wanted to convey my thoughts just right so my status quickly became tediously long.


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Perfectionist?  A little, maybe.  Or maybe I just have some weird quirks.

Perfect?  HAH!  Not by a long shot.  In fact, I've begun noticing more and more lately that a lot of these little quirky things can not only be distracting to me and to others around me, but they can be downright annoying.

You might be thinking, "Well, DUH, of course they're distracting and annoying.  Who cares about which way a light switch goes, whether someone has their t-shirt sleeve flipped up the wrong way, or that a pile on your desk isn't at right angles with the other piles?"  You're absolutely right - these are silly.

All the same, I believe that orderliness is a lovely thing.  God Himself is, I believe, the Author of order from the workings of all living things on a microscopic level to the way churches were set up in the New Testament.  I once read when I was in middle school that some scientific study showed that people tend to sleep more peacefully in a tidy room than in a messy one.  (Honestly, I was just excited that there was an explanation for why I would stay up late cleaning Michaela's and my room just so I could get in bed without feeling restless!)

In addition to these things, lists and planning are the backbone to much of my daily life.  I make lists of chores and errands, of places I would like to go and things I'd like to do, and of homework that needs to be completed.  I will be going on a road trip in April, and already have planned out how long each leg of the trip should take, where to stop to refuel, and what expenses I'll need to be prepared for.  Sure, I don't stick to my lists and plans all the time - I enjoy spontaneity and try to choose an adventuresome attitude when I get lost.  I love to ignore my course assignment lists to spend time with friends or a couple hours on painting.  But I do still feel lost if I haven't at least written everything out.

On the other hand, though, fixation on unimportant little details is far from lovely.  It takes away from time spent with my friends and family.  It creates frustration in me where none should exist in the first place.  I would go so far as to say that it can be harmful to me emotionally and spiritually.  Emotionally, because I am focused on things that aggravate me about others' habits.  This leads me to becoming frustrated with myself because I can't see any logical reason to be annoyed, and I spiral downward from there.  Spiritually, because I am essentially setting myself and my little rules and habits as right, and anything else as wrong.  I become so distracted by my way of doing things (and "fixing" others' ways of doing things) that I forget to set myself aside and learn about the God who created me.

Even now, and in other moments when I see the trouble with my perfectionism and odd little quirks, I have to remind myself that God in no way messed up on me.  Any wrong thing I do is directly caused by sin in the world and my choice to comply with my worldly self (which really is silly, because that means I'm basically allowing a dead and empty version of me to be in charge of the loving and full-of -the-Holy-Spirit version of me)!

I do mess up; God cannot mess up.  To mess up in any way would be counter to His very nature.

If this is the case, why on earth do I constantly choose to do things my way?  Why don't I simply go to this perfect God (who has already saved me from my old, sinful self by His inexplicable grace, mercy, and love) and hand my perfectionisms over in exchange for His perfect plan?


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Confession:  I feel safer when I [think I] know exactly what will happen, even though I know some of the most wonderful things happen entirely without having a list, rule, or plan of my own in place.

Example 1:  In March 2014, I was teaching two ASL classes at High Country, working on a college course I didn't particularly enjoy, learning how to do human makeup for The Thorn.  Now, although I sometimes feel like graduation can't come soon enough, I more fully realize how blessed I am that I get to study both seemingly tedious and perfectly practical/enjoyable college courses free from any weight of debt, thanks to two years' worth of my dad's G. I. Bill.  Also, I have gotten to participate in all sorts of fun and unique experiences, and through those I've learned so much and have gotten to meet lots of interesting people.

Example 2:  A year ago yesterday, I met Sarah (who had just moved here from Michigan) while hanging out with three other dear friends.  Since then, she has become one of my dearest friends and confidants, and she, Chaela, and I are planning on moving into an apartment together before the year is out.  I sure didn't see any of that coming!

Example 3:  Last year right about now, Mom, Michaela, and I were getting ready to have Dad come home from deployment almost two full months ahead of schedule - what a wonderful joy and blessing!  There are far too many factors to list here that were completely out of my control, so I had either to hand my cares concerning them over to God, or go crazy worrying over them.  (Thanks largely to my mom's example and to His consistent faithfulness, I usually did remember to hand those worries over.)


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Thank goodness I'm not in charge of getting everything right.  Thank goodness I'm really not in charge at all, except of my own self - my heart and attitude, my choices and actions.  There are many things that can and should be in order, and I want to devote my energy to those far more worthy causes (helping and encouraging others, studying the Bible with others and on my own so I can keep God's perfect plan in mind in place of my own flawed ideas, managing my time wisely so I don't waste the blessings I've been given....).

Thank goodness for a perfect God and His infallibly perfect plans.