mid-morning madness

As it so happens, creativity in the form of written thought springs itself on me every once in a while. Typically this occurs between 0200 and 0530, unfortunately. Also unfortunate is that while the thoughts I write down at these times make perfect sense to me at these moments, I rarely save the writings long enough to go back when I'm fully awake to see whether I'm actually, genuinely creative, or if it's just my poor, tired brain attempting to give me a hint that it's time to shut off the lights and slip into bed.

So I'm going to try a little experiment here. Hope you don't mind. I am going to copy down, word for silly word, what I scribbled into a notebook not half an hour ago. If this post suddenly disappears in a week or two or so, it's only because I will have realized making a copy of my written thoughts wasn't such a bright idea... :)

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What a time of stiffling - stifling - stiff-people talk.
What a time of strife and intellectual starvation and stupor.
What a place to exist, to exasperate, to extinguish little lives.
And
what a season in which to be living, working, playing, learning here.

BUT WHY SO?

How can we have fallen to days of tedious, tiresome, toilsome trouble?
How can we sting with words, shoot classmates, stab others' hearts?
How can we determine probability of life-worth, profitability of an unborn person,
decide with life-ending power their chance at life
In this world where we live and work and play and learn?

I AM NO BETTER.

Living in such shame, sorrow, scarcity of sincerity.
Working for me, for my desires, in mediocrity, from my own motivations.
Play consisting of pointless pleasures resulting in pain
and absence of peace.
Learning because I can, studying because I must, applying to life when convenient.

I AM NO BETTER THAN THIS WORLD.

No better, except for one simply, complicatedly beautiful thing:

DEATH.

Through one death a gift was created, crafted; catapulted into my life in the form of a choice.
Through that death, life beyond existing - beyond extinguishing other lives - became a possibility.
Through this lovely death chaos, confusion, and calamity are crushed.
Through joining in this death, my living-death has lifted and lead to living-life.

AND SO,

I have died to that life;
Therefore when I live out the world's life - my old form of living - I am as a ghost of my real, living self.
Productivity perishes.
Ministry diminishes.
My soul suffers.

I have died to that life;
Therefore I may only truly live within the bounds of the Life-Giver's life.
Grace grows.
My testimony is triumphant.
Death again dies.

Tea

Tea has been my hot drink of choice since I was 12. My voice teacher had recommended I drink it with honey mixed in when I had a sore throat, and I really learned to love it! In my family, I am the only tea drinker, though Dad will have a cup occasionally (he religiously has at least a cup or two of strong coffee every day), and I have managed a handful of times to talk Mom into having some echinacea tea when she's sick, or a more palatable flavor for a scratchy throat. Chaela detests tea, saying it tastes too much like leaves. (Yes, she knows why.)

Outside of my family, I have met many avid tea drinkers, and have enjoyed sipping mint (my favorite!) or whatever they recommend to me while visiting. I've discovered that a warm mug and aromatic drink can spark interesting conversations, ranging from topics such as the BBC TV show, Doctor Who (I still haven't gotten to see "The Day of the Doctor"!) and the best places to travel, to a two-hour-long conversation about personal salvation testimonies and witnessing.

Most recently, I have had the enjoyment of serving tea to our new landlord and getting to listen to him talk about all the interesting people he has met and worked with (including Mother Theresa!). The other wonderful time I had over tea within the last week or so was with one of our friends who helped us with this move, Jonathon. He and I met up to chat and catch up at a tea shop not too far from home, where I got to try a chai blend I'd never tasted before while discussing C.S. Lewis, Lord of the Rings, teaching at my old homeschool group (more on that later, probably), and how God has worked in our lives. I hadn't meant to stay too long since I knew Mom would want my help at home with organizing and cleaning things, but before I knew it, the clock near told me I'd been nursing my tea-burnt tongue and talking for nearly three hours!



Maybe it's because I like tea so much, but I have always liked Eleanor Roosevelt's little saying,

"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

Anyway, it seems to fit how this year has panned out pretty nicely. Well, at least I hope it fits in a good way. Since this time last year, my family and/or I have been through so much - getting to take care of Gavin, then giving him back to my aunt; church hunting yet again; Jon taking me to Iowa with him over spring break; Dad's deployment; tons of house-hunting and house-showings; a best friend's wedding and all the fun and craziness that goes with that; school complications; Jon's and my breakup; balancing school, somewhat excessive travel, and a job; giving my two weeks' notice to said job's boss in part because of travel issues; moving; volunteering and working with my aunt at her school for three weeks; and so on it goes.

This is not to say that this year hasn't had it's wonderful moments of pleasure and excitement and wonder! Please don't believe I mean that by any means! In fact, I do believe this year has held some of the most beautiful moments of my life yet. I have loved more deeply, trusted God more fully, learned bigger lessons, more firmly cemented dear friendships, grown closer to my parents and sister and two or three friends, learned more about my marvelous Papa God, and shared some of the best tea ;) with some of the most interesting people yet!

And I do thank God for both ends of this year, for both the pretty and unattractive parts. I hope I have shown my strength, and that my strength is good because of Him who IS MY STRENGTH, and that He will continue strengthening me.

Moving In

Mom, Chaela, and I are getting settled into our new house, and I am very pleased to say that it is quickly becoming our HOME. Funny, how any set of walls and windows and a roof may offer shelter and comfort to a person, but until there is a sense of familiarity and a touch of love, it remains a house only. Of course, my home is and will continue to be incomplete until Dad is present, but it is a nice, reassuring feeling to know this is the place God has us for the present.

I've gotten to greet a few neighbors already, though I haven't met anyone yet. While I do miss living in the woods, with the fresh scent of pine and plenty of open space, I did miss the opportunities that I have now to call across the street just to say hi. (In our old neighborhood I had to go for a walk just to see people face-to-face, and wold have needed a megaphone to say good morning from our garage!)

We have been wonderfully blessed by a number of friends from our TKD dojang and a friend I met while taking classes at our homeschool group in my senior year of high school. God is so good to provide help for us through them! We did have Two Guys and a Truck (or in our case, four guys and two trucks) move some of our things, but the bulk was transferred from house to house in Mom's van, Chaela's car, my CRV, and our friends' vehicles. Thankfully the two houses are only about seven miles apart!

As for my own space, I do need to do a lot of work still before it will really feel like MY space, but it's coming along. Speaking of, I ought to go take care of some things before bed. :)

At that, good night, all!

Here we go again! (Pt. 3)

We're well underway in our move from the Black Forest part of Colorado Springs to a more normal suburb-type neighborhood. So many friends have been over to help, whether for an hour or two, or for an entire day! Just today we took four full carloads from one house to the other and got all the boxes and everything into the rooms where they belong.

Tomorrow morning friends will be here once more to help us with last-minute preparations for the pro movers we've hired to get the tricky things that are too heavy or bulky or whatever to move on our own. Speaking of which, I ought to finish up clearing the we're-moving-clutter in my room....

My Sister or My Friend?

[I rediscovered this little journal-like writing in a Gmail Document titled "Short Stories" that I wrote sometime in 2009, and figured I'd post it now. The girl I talk about here, Sarah, just so happens to be on my mind right now, as I found out earlier that she just got engaged today! Also, you can tell this is from a while ago primarily because I refer to Chaela as Kayla .]
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Two summers ago, I met a girl named Sarah. Sarah is about a year and a half younger than me, loves the LORD, and is overall the kind of person everyone loves being around. She and I became friends practically overnight, which is such a blessing! Anyway, that summer I met her, people who saw us together at the summer camp we both went to kept asking if we were sisters (or at least related in some close way). This happened so often that we finally agreed to just say we really were sisters, just for fun. I personally don't think she and I look anything alike (except for our eyes, maybe), as she has blond hair and is tall and thin, and I have light brown hair, and though I'm tall, I'm bigger boned. Well, we both came to the conclusion that people probably assumed we were sisters because we were nearly always with each other, and we were obviously pretty close.

Thirteen summers ago, I met a girl named Michaela Joy. Michaela is three years younger than me, loves the LORD, and loves to make people laugh. Everyone loves being around her. I can't remember a time when Michaela and I weren't friends, really. Of course, in all the time I've known her, we've had our arguments and squabbles, as well as an occasional outburst. But overall, we're pretty close. People tend to have one of two totally opposite reactions when they see us together: on the one hand, you have those who say that we look nothing alike (though upon closer inspection, say we do have the same nose =P ), then on the other hand there are those who insist we look like twins. Now, Michaela and I both emphatically agree that we look nothing like twins. We just look like sisters... because we are. =)

Now, I have to tell you, Kayla (Michaela) and I have grown even closer since the time that we met Sarah. We've always been closer than the average siblings, which I think is mainly due to the fact that we move on average every one and a half to two years, as well as the fact that we have two excellent parents who have worked with us and taught us to get along together. Unfortunately, though, at the time that I met Sarah, Kayla and I had grown apart quite a bit. I blame myself; a couple of friends that I had were extremely unloving in their words and actions toward their younger siblings, and that attitude had rubbed off on me to the point that I would allow myself to get easily aggravated and annoyed at Michaela. I would speak sarcastically and often rudely to her, and boss her around (often even more than is normal coming from an older sister). Looking back, I'm ashamed at my behavior, and I can't believe the bad example I was setting for my sister.

Back to Sarah. While up at the summer camp, after we'd decided on being "adopted" sisters, I began to think about the total difference in my behavior to Sarah and Kayla. Yes, it was good that I was treating Sarah like my best friend, and - as I put it even then - like my sister. But how did I treat my REAL sister? I treated her like a little girl who might get in my way, like someone I didn't want to be around, and definitely not the way I should be treating a sister. How sad is that? Fortunately, God used Sarah to show me how I needed to be toward Michaela, and through patience, hard work, lots of mistakes, and a TON of prayer, Kayla and I are back to being best friends; we're even closer than before!

This summer, I got to go to the summer camp ahead of my family, and Sarah and one of her brothers got to do the same. I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with my "sister," but I was overjoyed when, two weeks later, the rest of my family joined me, and I could renew my long chats with my sister. Now, Kayla and I still argue occasionally, but we're usually able to get over those silly little things that we're usually getting upset about.

I pray that God will continue working in and through me, so that I may become the best big sister I can possibly be to Michaela....

[ The photos used in this blog were taken just before Dad deployed by a sweet lady from a company that does photoshoots for military families - for free, as a thank-you to those who serve our country.  What a blessing! ]

Here we go again! (Pt. 2)

Well, looks like the time we've been given in our current house is coming to an end.

We've been renting, and our landlords alerted us this summer of their intent to sell the house (as they were struggling to afford it, even with our rent). Since then, we have prepared the house for showings numerous times - often with less than 24 hours' notice and a few time while we were out of state!

As of today, though, a buyer was finally found.

While we have not yet found the next house to move into, I'm pretty excited knowing that God knows perfectly well where He'll this mini-transplant will land us.

When Mom told me all this over the phone earlier (I'm halfway through my volunteering visit in southern Utah right now), I admit my first thought was along the lines of, "well...there's my prayer request for church tonight. Great." Mom, on the other hand, exuded an attitude of "what a praise! We don't have the burden of having the house ready to show at a moments notice... We don't have to live in suspense of when a buyer will be found any longer... God has a new setting for us coming up!"

On that note, I am so thankful for everything Mom has been doing and is continuing to do with all this craziness that has been our life for the past 12+ months. I pray my attitude will more rightly mirror hers, and that it thereby will be more honoring to the God who hasn't stopped being in control of it all yet, and will never do so. :)

Recipe: Frozen Fruit Smoothie

HOW WE DISCOVERED THIS SWEET TREAT:
While on Kauai, Mom, Chaela, and I visited a fruit stand sort of place (Maloa'a Sunrise, on the north end of the island). We liked what we had so much that we ended up taking Dad once he got to Kauai, and went three times in all! What drew me? Their delicious fruit smoothies. The ingredients? Fruit, plain and simple. I can't recall precisely what fruit was used in the two different smoothies I tried there, but after our first visit we made a beeline to a nearby grocery store for fruit to make our own smoothies.

SHOPPING LIST:
- bag of frozen blueberries
- two-three bananas, ripe to preference
- one fresh pineapple

WHAT I DID:
- As soon as we got to our condo, I peeled and sliced up the bananas, cut the pineapple into smallish chunks, put the banana and pineapple into Freezer Ziplock baggies, and put all the fruit in the freezer.
- The next morning I let the banana and pineapple slices sit out to thaw a bit. I didn't want them to soften all the way; I just wanted them to be soft enough to mix in the blender.
- I blended the blueberries first - not down to a pulp, but just enough to act as a juice for the other fruit - then added the rest to make this delicious concoction.
- Okay, I've tried the smoothie both ways; you pick which you like better... You either can mix everything into a SMOOTH smoothie, or stop just short of that, leaving sweet little chunks of pineapple throughout the smoothie. :)
- I don't know if this particular recipe keeps very well at all in the fridge or freezer, as every time I've made it over here, it all gets devoured before it can melt!


Now, go try the smoothie. Don't add sugar or nastiness or even milk or yogurt or ice or ANYTHING but naturally sweet, perfectly delectable fruit! :D